Becoming two...

Jesus said (... and a grand fella he was too)

"This heaven will pass away and the one above it will pass away. The dead are not alive and the living will not die. In the days when you consumed what is dead, you made it what is alive. When you come to dwell in the light, what will you do? On the day when you were one you became two. But when you become two, what will you do?"

Sounds very mysterious doesn't it? It's from the Nag Hammadi gospels by the way, the Gospel of Thomas.

It's only mysterious when you don't take it absolutely literally. That moment I referred to in the last posting... well that's the moment when I became two; the one of me, who continues to become and the other... who simply is.

Let's take apart what he said, bit by bit:

. . . . .

"This heaven will pass away and the one above it will pass away":
Things are changing and you, as a body, will come to an end.

. . . . .

"The dead are not alive and the living will not die. In the days when you consumed what is dead, you made it what is alive":
As machinery you are in effect already dead, nothing new will come about, just more of the same; it's predictable, trust me it really is! When you come to this realisation that ALL you ARE is machinery then all that you are begins to be 'consumed'... well, take Freud's theory, wherein we are all just trapped energy, through catharsis we free-up that trapped energy and in order to carry on living we begin to consume it, which of course makes it alive again. Simple.

. . . . .

"When you come to dwell in the light, what will you do? ":
The light is just metaphor for energy, that's all. When you realise that you are nothing more than machinery, that realisation free's up the energy that was previously trapped in and fuel for the machinery. With that free energy you can begin to live, in it, by it and with it.

. . . . .

"On the day when you were one you became two.":
On the day i.e. at the moment you realise this fact your psychology splits, effectively into two people; The one that continues to become, i.e. simply adding to the machinery and the other, that always was: unmoving, untouched, unchangeing, unconcerned.

. . . . .

"But when you become two, what will you do?":
Well that's quite simple... you stop becoming!

. . . . .

Easier said than done that last bit. But of course you simply have no choice or, do you?

. . . . .

Jesus (also) said, "Become passers-by"

Is anyone getting this?

So let me continue...

We all read books. At some time or another we all read, or hear that special something, that thing that hits us square on, not to be ignored, something that changes us, fundamentally. Well, that's what happened to me when I read "The Fourth Way". It's by Ouspensky. You can look it up. Not hard to find.

It was a particularly stressful time in my life (which is another story altogether) and, for whatever reason, the message in that book struck home, like an arrow to the heart you might say. It changed my life forever. Why? Well, you see, the truth sort of has that effect.

It wasn't Ouspenky's idea, not at all. He picked it up from another man called Gurdjieff. You can look him up too. Was it Gurdjieff's original idea, well of that I'm not sure. Not that it really matters now because now it's mine. And, I'm pretty sure, it belongs to a lot of other people too.

And the idea? The essence of it is as per that first posting. Probably, knowing me, as I think I do (he said!), I haven't put it across that clearly; writing not being one of my strong points. So, let's give it another go shall we?

My life up until that point was I thought my own, my thoughts, my actions, my decisions etc etc. According to Outspensky that was were I was going wrong, very wrong. You see 'I' my self me, is nothing more than a piece of machinery. It's taken a long time to build this piece of machinery, many years; a lifetime. It's pretty complicated stuff this 'me' that I 'think' I am. The me that I think I am and the thinker that thinks he is what he is... in reality isn't. You can see how difficult it becomes to talk about this can't you?

Now at this point you have to know one other thing. Before I read Ouspensky I had already come to the realisation of this fact. I didn't know it at the time, just that I felt different that's all. That realisation came in a flash, at one of those seminal moments in one's life when the stress levels have reached a crescendo. Folks at the time thought that I had had a nervous breakdown. May be I had, it doesn't really matter that much. I had broken free that's all that matters. Free of the me that had been up until that point, that moment, in my life; that is free of the machinery that I had become, and up until that point was still becom-ing. Now we are getting to the interesting part. The me that is now is partly still becoming what I was already on-route to becoming and a part of me just is. Sound strange? Well it's strange alright, especially if you are living it.

You can find references to this phenomenon all over the place, if that is you know what you are looking for. Ouspensky and Gurdjieff are just a couple of examples. Krishnamurti was a good source as well, Jiddu that is. There's bits in the bible, the Koran I'm sure and probably lots in the Bhuddist writings... You can I suppose keep reading them and getting quite lost or, alternatively, you can stumble upon it yourself and, well, sort of get on living it... it's much more fun that way, although 'fun' might not be the right word ;0)

The Beginning? The End?

I created this blog a long time ago. I even began writing my first posting, also a long while ago. it was never posted. I couldn't finish it nor make it say what I wanted to say. Pr'aps this'll not get posted either!

Lets give it a go... a start at least. . .

If anyone is out there listening to this, here's a question for you. . . Do you think that the meaning of life is to come to the realisation that you, your personality, your thoughts, your past and your future do not in fact exist?

Now I know this isn't anything new. It's been said in various way by many people over many years, decades, centuries. But it sure as heck is new to me!!

. . .especially when you consider that this is the only life I have, it's mine you see and it's, well, the only one I will ever have! And to find out that what I thought was mine ('mine'???? you can surely see the problem looming here can't you?) is not mine at all, in fact there is no me to have anything that I can call mine. Well you can imagine how that makes one feel can't you? Can't you?

So my plan is to be able to explore this rather awkward question from an extremely personal view point, but of course I'll be doing that publicly... whatever that means exactly.

Watch this space. I may be back. . .